Archive for Personal Drama

The New Kingdom

I felt that I must share with you the bestest, most greatest music video of all time.

Behold…

KALEDON!!!

Wanna know the good news? That was just the demo cut! You can view the final version at www.kaledon.com.

I was gonna bang a goat for free pizza, but Carrie said it wasn’t a good idea. I was like “fuck. I like pizza.”.

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Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

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Open letter to a redneck…

I think being proud of your skin color is retarded, especially since you didn’t have to do anything to earn it, work for it, anything. I think you should be proud of accomplishments, not things you were born with. I don’t feel proud to be white, nor American. These are things that were just handed to me.

I sure as shit don’t want to claim caucasians, because white people as a whole pretty much suck. Fuck racism, because white people look down upon our (the metal) community just as much as they do people of color. I was really put off by someone making an “us and them” comparison. I don’t think it makes much sense to lump all whites together with all {insert non-white ethnicity here} and say “we” and “they”. Who’s we? Cause it sure as hell didn’t include me.

I hate wiggers too, but I blame their parents more than I blame rap artists and black people. I doubt most of the sagging pants and upside down visors you see were bought with money from after-school jobs.

I think saying that blacks make their money primarily from basketball and entertainment is an uneducated statement. What do you know about the black community besides what the MSM tells you? How many black families have you spent a decent amount of time with? Yet you say they all have one common goal?

And who the fuck calls you cracker or honky? In my 27 years, I don’t think I’ve been called these names out of anger once.

And WET? It’s called “every fucking channel but like 3 of em”. Or something similar.

How do ethnic holiday effect you negatively? Do you celebrate Christmas? That’s a fucking christian holiday (or was at one point) that’s forced down everyone’s throat for like 3 months a year.

Even though I’m just talking out my ass, I feel confident in this statement: even if the US was 110% peckerwoods, we’d still have just about as much violent crime, drug use, etc. People are shit, no matter how much melanin they have. It’s just more convenient to blame it on subtle differences.

Look at the fucking Irish. How long have those fucking Micks been tossing bombs at each other? It doesn’t get much whiter than that. How is that any better than all of what goes down “n tha hood”?

And on the subject of blacks getting away with more at work? I’d say that’s the cracker ass US legal system at work, not blacks. You see it as them getting away with more, but it’s your employer buckling under fear of lawsuit. The manager just assumes that since they’re black, they’re gonna sue. I’m guessing that you’ve been in a situation where you were reprimanded for something where a black worker was not. Is that the fault of the black employee, or the employer?

Our REAL enemies are MTV Networks, Frito-Lay, and Disney. Think about that.

(this was originally posted in response to a few comments about racial pride, made in a heavy metal forum)

Chris Pirillo is a hate monger. Chris Pirillo has probably never read my blog before. I’d like to hear Chris Pirillo’s view on things, because many have likened him to Hitler. Others have likened Chris Pirillo to Jesus. I think Chris Pirillo is just Chris Pirillo.

(yes i’m mad no one has commented on this yet :P )

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The Power of Christ Impales You

Dude, this is the worst fucking shit I’ve ever read. Ever. Is it even legal to try to brainwash kids with this shit? How dare they banish the All Mighty Joe Camel, and allow garbage like this to continue. They don’t even post a warning or anything. View at your own risk.

If you don’t like fancy shit, follow this link.

Oh, and I don’t give a fuck what anyone says; ID and Creationism is just retarded.

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Troll Captured Killed Reborn

Penelope had a sex change and found god. I had a brief encounter with penelope a while back, and it seems to have paid off. I don’t know if it was pre or post op, but penelope got a degree in medicine, and became Doctor Life, and started a new blog, http://hidingtheblog.blogspot.com/.

According to the Doc, most of the visitors arrived via BE, so I’m guessing that’s why I never heard of it until recently. The Doc did a great job of infuriating a bunch of people. I feel the writing was great, especially if you ever had a look at the author’s previous blog. There were a few things that stood out though. After 5 minutes of reading, I saw the blog for what it was; someone phishing for angry comments. And they got plenty.

I have my fingers crossed in anticipation that on the next attempt, even I will be fooled. I guess you can say I’m issuing a challenge of sorts. But I have to give credit where credit is due; the author did a great job. Third time’s a charm, Penelope? :D

Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel: The Time Has Come: THE BLOG APOCALYPSE

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Grillz

You might call me a trend hopper, but this is something I’ve NEEDED for like 10 years now. I’ve even asked for Christmas a few times.

Platinum (or Gold) Fronts

Seriously though. My life isn’t going to be complete until I get some fronts. And plain isn’t gonna cut it either. I need some diamond encrusted shit. I need a full mouth too. Top and bottom row. The top row has to say “TAPE”, and the bottom row has to say “WORM”, preferrably spelled out in precious jewels.

You can either fly my ass to Savannah with a blank check for the fine folks of goldteeth.com, or you can visit my PayPal account (there’s a handy link to it on your left). Fuck homeless kids (not literally), fuck the less fortunate (that’s up to you) and fuck Katrina victims (better not, theyre all scroungy). Tapeworm needs a new grill, and that’s where all your scrilla should rightfully be spent.

Sparkling Platinum Teeth caps

Deb doesn’t share the love for the grill, but carrie does.

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How do you get the franks above the beans?

I got tagged by some vile cunt, so here’s 5 random facts about me…

1. I fucking hate onions. Soooooo fucking much. Their smell makes me nauseous. They give me fucking heartburn. The only kind of onion I can barely tolerate is grilled onions, and even then, I don’t like them, and only the carmelization they produce. I FUCKING HATE ONIONS. Yet carrie insists on adding them to EVERY FUCKING DISH SHE MAKES. It gets to the point where I have to beg her not to put them in. Fuck her.

2. I got caught smoking weed in high school, and had to go to 9 months of outpatient rehab. I think I went one, maybe two sessions sober. We convinced the counselor to take us to a laser show for one of our outings, and me and the guy I got busted with dropped some acid right before we left. I thought the counselor was cool, cause he actually did some time, and wasn’t a pussy, like many counselors are. I thought he was cool cause he didn’t take any bullshit. You can see all the good rehab did for me. :P

3. I dated a girl who was in all the slow classes. Not quite special ed, but definitely sub par. She was an unclefucker. And her house fucking stunk. I used to make up reasons why I couldn’t come in.

4. I stole from the food bank when they made me volunteer there. They had candy bars and soda and shit. Shut up.

5. The only person I ever met from the internet was a guy who was a rapper, and he was really into weed. Like, he had a weed problem. I met him in a WEED chatroom (I never denied being a n3rd). He was bragging about his rapping skills, and I called bullshit on him, and said if you’re so good, post your lyrics. He didn’t want to, fearing someone might rip him off. Remember, i met him in a WEED chatroom. He wanted to call me, so i could hear him rap. This was before many people had mics, still in the 90′s. I said if you think it’s necessary we talk on the phone, ill let you page me. So i did. and he rapped. and he sucked. But that was to be expected, he was white :P

he paged me a shitload after that, wanting to hang out. i guess, at some point, i told him where i worked. When someone lays an offer of a couple blunts on the table, how the fuck are you supposed to pass it up? So I say to heck with it, and decide to go meet him. he’s worried about the smell, so we can only go smoke in the bathroom. with the door closed. sounds fine. afterwards, we get to talking.

he decides that now is a good time to start sharing. sharing things like the guy he’s living with is his boyfriend. and that he’s been cheating on his boyfriend. with multiple people. including 50 year old truck drivers. fucking ewwwwwwwwww. I might have been 20 or 21 at the time, and he wasnt even 18 yet. judging by photos on the wall, whoever was paying the rent was in his 30′s. Just another chicken hawk.

He also decides to let me know, subtly, that he’s into guys that, strangely, resemble… me. You can probably expect that the next trip to the bathroom didn’t seem as appealing. he never came out and directly hit on me. I left as soon as I finished the second blunt, which seemed as good a time as any. It turns out, him and his boyfriend had visited my place of business before i ever hung out with him, but didnt say a word to me. That’s creepy shit.

He continued to call me, asking me to hang out with him, and tried to guilt me for dodging his calls, by saying all he wanted to do was kick it. So, when I decided to give in, I made up an insurance policy. I brought carrie with me. Sure enough, it worked. He was extremely put off by carrie being there, which shouldnt have been an issue, since he just wanted to kick it :P fuck man, weed is weed. remember, WEED chatroom, WEED chatroom. All it took was 2 times of bringing carrie with me to get him to stop calling. We saw him once after that, in a record store, and i swear, he gave us the dirtiest fucking look imaginable.

so now I’m gonna tag deb, bee, xor, bear and God.

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Happy New Year Mother Fuckers

I’ve been blogging for just over a year now, and my most loyal reader base is people seeking to pleasure themselves to images of men fatally penetrated by horses. The most popular word associated with my blog is horse, and I hate Horses.

This year, I’ve been both a troll and a troll killer. I battled stupid Canadians who like coffee. I battled stupid blog traffic services who may or may not like coffee. I taught a kid in some hick town in central NY state that there’s more to life than Slipknot. I found out that not every person in the south dates inside their family, and that some of them are even fun to talk to. ;)

The most important thing I’ve learned this year in the world of blogging? Food Blogs über alles. They have no politics, very few trolls, and they’re beneficial to everyone who reads them.

In 2006, I promise to try harder to offend. I’ve been slacking in my duties as a contributor to shit that’s fucked, and I plan to do something about it. While I can’t draw shit, the eye of the camera knows no boundaries.

And all you folks looking for the horse porn; would it kill you to leave a comment every once in a while? There’s at least 7 of you a day. Jeez.

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Christmas

I got one of the best Christmas presents ever tonight. A shitload of fucking beef!!! They gave me like half the fucking cow. I’m fucking stoked. Beef kicks ass. I also got a green pullover. I don’t know why I got the coat tonight, but if they waited until Christmas on the beef, it would probably end up tasting funny. Conversely, it would be fucking awesome to get beef wrapped up as a gift too.

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Care to be my financial advisor?

So I got my Blingo prize the othe day, the whopping $25 gift card. Carrie won’t let me buy cds or movies with it, so what the fuck should I buy? I’d spend it on drugs, but they don’t let you withdraw cash from it.

Seriously, I’m open to suggestion (and you fucks don’t comment enough anyway).

Blingo

(apparently, I’m the biggest winner in my area :D )

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